Habits and Practices

The question of how habits connect with practices came up with a colleague this week. "Well, isn't a habit the same as a practice," she asked. "No," I immediately replied. Habits are unintentional and outside of our control; we can excuse them or use them as a free pass. "Sorry, I didn't mean to disrespect you by cutting you off mid sentence. It's a habit." Practices are intentional and within our focused control. "Sorry, I didn't mean to disrespect you by cutting you off mid sentence. I am working on my practice of good listening so I am going to sit back now and listen to what you say without interrupting".

My suggestion is that habit and practice are not synonyms for the simple reason: INTENTIONALITY.

When we engage in a habit, we tend to strip ourselves of intentionality. Habits don't require reflection on where they came from, how we built them into our lives, how they impact us on a daily basis, what it would take to dismantle the ones that no longer serve us or how to spawn more of the "good" habits we have. Without reflection, language and attention around habits, even if they are "good" habits (so to speak), we can never pass them on to others in a meaningful way. We may also spend inordinate amounts of time struggling against our habits. They become forces to be battled and may even interfere with our progress or that of those around us. Said another way, habits are accidents: some happy accidents, some not so much. We have no way of influencing which habits will stick with those around us and we are helpless in influencing what sticks within us without intention behind it.

So, what if you could influence these accidents so that they become constructive and intentional?

This is where practice comes in. Practice moves us towards our goals due to the intention and focus we place around each practice. Practice helps us participate actively in constructing our best outcomes. Practice is about the focus it takes to prepare for, move towards, teach ourselves and others about what it takes to reach forward to our goals. Practice helps us prepare for the world, allows us to make mistakes, be compassionate in doing so - we are learning on purpose - and strengthens us because we are moving towards the progress we seek, not pulling against the obstacles we fail to understand. Think about it. A cellist practices to improve her skill. She breaks down, focuses her energy and attention on that single note in all its minutia so that she can understand it, understand herself within it and move her work, her whole person towards her goal of a concert virtuoso. I love this quote...

In other words, our practices serve us.

If I think about myself, I engage in practices that involve sound: I have a practice for "getting into the space" through listening to particularly vibrant music before I work with a coaching client. I also listen to classical music as part of my "washing off" practice when leaving my day of coaching behind. Both practices serve to put me into and out of the deep focus that's necessary to be with my clients, prepared to be nowhere else, leaving them capable of proceeding further once we conclude our conversations and for being my best self when I move back into my own life. These daily practices serve my work, serve my clients, serve me, serve the ones I love. It's a win-win-win-win all the way around.

Cycle this forward: I would love to learn about the practices you engage in that serve you, move you forward? How often do you engage in these practices? (Psst: think about the cellist! If he really wants to improve, can he truly move in that direction if he only practices once in a while?)

Coach as ...

I have been thinking about the notion of "Coach as ..." and what clients seek alongside of what I, as a Certified Coach offer. In beginning this formal coaching journey over 2 years ago, I was focused on "Coach as thought-partner". To me, during my learning, it made sense that a coach would partner with a client on equal ground to think through issues, challenges, opportunities. This moved on to developing and expanding the client's key growth areas, expanding into their strengths, drawing awareness out about their internal challenges and perceived weaknesses and shifting perspective on what they may have thought were absolutes in their lives. But what else can a Coach offer? What else have I experienced and been able to offer? Moreover, what's next?

What about "Coach as process partner"?

What about "Coach as action-partner"?

What about "Coach as cheerleader"?

What about "Coach as combat-partner"? So far, not too many of my clients have solicited this kind of approach. I envision it sounding like this: "I want you to challenge me. Whatever I say, I want you to interrogate, disbelieve, outright oppose." For some reason, that appeals to my sense of challenge. I love it when the energy in the room goes up and the topic becomes tense, almost too hot to touch. The caveat here, for me as Coach, is that the energy must still be playful. In other words, we can get intense, debate, raise our voices, so long as the desired outcome is honourable. We debate and challenge the process, thinking, assumptions, perceptions in the spirit of creating something greater rather than debating the essence of the person being right / wrong, good/bad. Dichotomies of this/that with no flexibility in between have limited place in coaching, I find. There is always a third, fourth, fifth option. But sometimes, we need an aggressive approach that forces us to look at those.

Yes, I have blogged before...but where?

Yes, I have blogged before. No, I don't really remember where I "put" those last collections. One was for fun ("Stuff I Don't Get") and the other was for my Coaching business (which will continue, once my business advisor gets over the fact that I have created yet another blog when the first one is not overly lively; really, I am working on understanding WHAT I am doing as well as WHY, which will take time). But yes, I probably have the access info written somewhere. So, who cares. Now, perhaps, is simply a better time to blog "like my life depends on it". Thanks, Angie, for the nudge!

So, when I think about what I am learning that is relevant and compelling right now, I have to say that I am learning a lot about the context in which I work as well as the content with which I work and the people with whom I work. I am a Certified Executive Coach. My work currently overflows with coaching leaders at all levels within an organization. A large organization although my focus is on one section of the organization. Questions arise in my mind as I track themes, impact statements, impact value, goals and other elements of feedback from my conversations. And I always come away with something interesting that makes me think. This is likely where this blog will go. For now, however, it's just going to get off the ground with a simple question: if you knew success were absolutely assured in anything you turned your mind, hand, heart, team or attention to, what would you do? For me, if I assume my life depends on it AND I know I will be successful, I find the focus to start this blog. What about you?