Habits and Practices

The question of how habits connect with practices came up with a colleague this week. "Well, isn't a habit the same as a practice," she asked. "No," I immediately replied. Habits are unintentional and outside of our control; we can excuse them or use them as a free pass. "Sorry, I didn't mean to disrespect you by cutting you off mid sentence. It's a habit." Practices are intentional and within our focused control. "Sorry, I didn't mean to disrespect you by cutting you off mid sentence. I am working on my practice of good listening so I am going to sit back now and listen to what you say without interrupting".

My suggestion is that habit and practice are not synonyms for the simple reason: INTENTIONALITY.

When we engage in a habit, we tend to strip ourselves of intentionality. Habits don't require reflection on where they came from, how we built them into our lives, how they impact us on a daily basis, what it would take to dismantle the ones that no longer serve us or how to spawn more of the "good" habits we have. Without reflection, language and attention around habits, even if they are "good" habits (so to speak), we can never pass them on to others in a meaningful way. We may also spend inordinate amounts of time struggling against our habits. They become forces to be battled and may even interfere with our progress or that of those around us. Said another way, habits are accidents: some happy accidents, some not so much. We have no way of influencing which habits will stick with those around us and we are helpless in influencing what sticks within us without intention behind it.

So, what if you could influence these accidents so that they become constructive and intentional?

This is where practice comes in. Practice moves us towards our goals due to the intention and focus we place around each practice. Practice helps us participate actively in constructing our best outcomes. Practice is about the focus it takes to prepare for, move towards, teach ourselves and others about what it takes to reach forward to our goals. Practice helps us prepare for the world, allows us to make mistakes, be compassionate in doing so - we are learning on purpose - and strengthens us because we are moving towards the progress we seek, not pulling against the obstacles we fail to understand. Think about it. A cellist practices to improve her skill. She breaks down, focuses her energy and attention on that single note in all its minutia so that she can understand it, understand herself within it and move her work, her whole person towards her goal of a concert virtuoso. I love this quote...

In other words, our practices serve us.

If I think about myself, I engage in practices that involve sound: I have a practice for "getting into the space" through listening to particularly vibrant music before I work with a coaching client. I also listen to classical music as part of my "washing off" practice when leaving my day of coaching behind. Both practices serve to put me into and out of the deep focus that's necessary to be with my clients, prepared to be nowhere else, leaving them capable of proceeding further once we conclude our conversations and for being my best self when I move back into my own life. These daily practices serve my work, serve my clients, serve me, serve the ones I love. It's a win-win-win-win all the way around.

Cycle this forward: I would love to learn about the practices you engage in that serve you, move you forward? How often do you engage in these practices? (Psst: think about the cellist! If he really wants to improve, can he truly move in that direction if he only practices once in a while?)